Fallen Warrior
by Annabel de Lioncourt
Summary: what happens after Remus comes back to the burrow after not finding Mad Eye's body. He and Tonks return home,but she's torn up over it and Remus finds out why."He'll never know,i promised he'd be first to know after you,he'll never know and it's my fault"


Tonks looked at Remus; she didn't say anything; in fact she had only said four words since she heard mad eye was dead. "Where are you going?" she had been concerned about everything he did for ages, but in the past two days she'd clung to him like a two year old. He didn't know exactly why but it made him slightly concerned. He had just gotten back from trying to find mad eye's body to no avail.

He knew that she wanted to go home, she cried without a sound, without a single sob, into her handkerchief. At home she'd cry and he'd have to comfort her, but she dared not cry in front of everyone else. She knew she was a wreck the year before and was determined to show everyone that she could be the old Tonks again. But the thing was she just wasn't, Remus knew the loss that wars presented and knew that Tonks would have to get through them the same way he did when he was that young.

"Tonks, I'll aparate us both so you don't—"

"No!" she said; her eyes huge.

"Why not?" she used to love side along aparation with him, it was an excuse to latch onto his arm, to hold tight to him

"I just…don't think it'd be a good idea, just go home and get a fire going so I can use floo powder."

"Alright." He left without kissing her, for there was no affection between them in public, even if it was just amongst friends. When he held her earlier when she first got back was a shock to everyone there, including themselves.

Lupin waved his wand over the sitting room fire place, and waited for his wife.

"…the same way I did when I was that young…this is sick…"

_ "Remus……" she said his name for no real reason_

_ "Dora?" answered the ever concerned Lupin_

_ "hmmm………" her lips kissed his chest and lower neck, as high up as she could reach from the position they were in._

_ "Tell me if …I do something………you don't like…tell me…" a first time—for both surprisingly—made for a sweet, if not slightly awkward wedding night_

_ "Okay then… you…" she lost her words as she shifted slightly beneath him._

_ "What……" he asked, starting to pull away_

_ "Don't be so held back…" and he wasn't_

He remembered every night that went like that. Remembered the tint of the candle light on here skin, and the scar on her arm from when she fell out of the tree. Not a childhood injury, just a couple of years ago. She loved those nights though, he didn't think she would, but she did, which was good since he found that he rather enjoyed it as well. Somewhere in the middle of regret and guilt and pain for Tonks's loss (he knew Mad Eye and respected him, but to Tonks, Alastor was a second father to her) Tonks stepped out of the fire place, and before Lupin could get a good look at her she jumped into his arms and buried her face in his chest and sobbed.

"Come, on…shh…"

"Why?"

"Nymphadora… you should get to bed," he said gently holding her close.

Up in the bedroom, he took her cloak off her and she pulled on pajamas (pants with purple cats on them and an old shirt she stole from her husband). Both dressed and in bed, Remus thought that Tonks was asleep but after a moment she shook with a sob and he sat up.

"Dora?" he moved his arms aside, in a small subtle gesture that Tonks got immediately, and climbed up on his lap. Remus was never very open about romance or emotions, most of the time his feelings were shown through little signs like this, it wasn't that he didn't love her that much, more so that….he was scared to do something wrong. He didn't want to hurt her, offend her or even upset her at all. He held her and let her cry all her day's tears that she wouldn't at the Weasley's, not in front of the younger kids, not in front of everyone. She was strong and she would convince them all that.

"Remus, why now? Alastor can't be dead— not now, he can't be, there was no body maybe he's not—"

"He's not coming back." As much as he loved her, he wouldn't lie, giving someone false hope only made pain worse. He rubbed her back between her shoulder blades and held her a little tighter.

"It can't be, not now, it's my fault, he's never going to know."

"Dora how is it your fault?" she was being completely incoherent

"it is! He's never going to know, he asked me and I told him that he'd be second to know if… he's not going to know. Ever, Remus, it's my fault, I should have told everyone sooner, if I came back sooner tonight even. Oh, God, I could have told him even before we left tonight—"

"Tell me, what's wrong." He cupped the side of her face in his hand and met her eyes. Oh they were beautiful eyes. Tonks thought the same of his, and locked in his gaze she collected her thoughts.

"Remus…" she still had tears pouring down her cheeks, but a smile crept over her mouth. "I'm pregnant"

"You-You're ?"

"We're going to be parents…" she said, sniffling a little, trying to finish her tears; she slid her arms around his waist. Remus ran through about forty things in his mind, including a few math equations _thirty seven minus twenty six is eleven. Not that big of a number. Twenty six minus seventeen (Harry's age, James's son's age, James is- would be, my age) so twenty six minus seventeen is only nine. Nine. Nine more years older, I could be _her_ father._

"you're too young to…"

"I'm going to have a baby."_…how could I have been so stupid?_ Remus recalled those pleasant nights again and love made in candle light.

_[flash back]_

_Of course she's late. She's always late. _ Remus thought as he flipped through a random book he found in a box of things he moved from his apartment to Tonks's house (another argument in itself- he thought that it was wrong to 'take advantage of her' Tonks thought that to move into her house was common sense). _The poor girl…_ he thought. Work was harder and harder and more dangerous and difficult the further into the war they got and the later Tonks got home. She was usually upset and tired. Remus thought a little and by the time Tonks did get home, well, she wasn't going to be upset tonight.

"Remus, open the door…" she said tiredly.

"Who is it?" safety precautions. The ministry did come up with some good ideas.

"It's Darth Vader. No duh, it's me Remus."

"And who's 'me'?" he grinned; Tonks's fuse was going to burn out in about five seconds.

"I'm Nymphadora Andromeda Tonks Lupin I hate my name and I'm married to the worst git in the world-" the door opened "- Remus John Lupin- what in merlins name is all _this?" _ blue candles floated throughout the hallway and living room

"You didn't seem too happy lately…so I thought…"

"Is that chocolate? I smell chocolate." In the kitchen there were more candles, these yellow, and a dish of cherries and melted chocolate.

"I knew you didn't like strawberries…" tonks grinned.

"Shall we get rid of them quickly and head upstairs?"

"That was…er…my idea." The topic of love was never something he handled well. She was so young after all, and he didn't want to push her for any more than what she wanted to give, but at the same time, when they both wanted each other, it was hard to know unless someone spoke first.

"You are the most intelligent wizard I've ever met."

"Can I get that in writing?"

"Later," she dipped a cherry in chocolate, "close your eyes."

"No."

"Humor me?" she gave a bittersweet smile that she knew would make him relent. He shut his eyes and instead of feeling the candy, felt Tonks's warm kiss.

Later

Tonks was perched on the side of their bed dressed in one of Remus's old shirts, what was wrong with her own clothes, he'd never know but he found a new article of his own missing every week or so. When she stood up so he could pull the sheets back it became apparent to him, as the hem rode up her thigh, that his shirt was _all_ she had on, which gave him an awkward and uncomfortable feeling.

"Sweet Circe, Remus. Still dressed?" she reached for the buttons on his shirt and started on them.

"Nymphadora, I can do that myself."

"Don't call me that."

"I'll just wait a few minutes, then you won't mind what I call you" he must have turned off the lights because after Tonks blinked it was dark.

"Lupin, I'd consider the fact that I could easily tell you to sleep down stairs tonight before you made fun of me again."

Tonks didn't say anything after that, lupin was correct there. after a few moments of kissing that gradually went from sweet to madly passionate, they were entwined beneath the covers. _He's so gentle_ Tonks thought. Careful, as always not just in bed. Even when he reached for her hand to hold (the only affectionate gesture he'd do in public) it was slow and soft. Perhaps to make up for most of his skin being rough with scars, but more likely she thought that it had more to do with the fact that he was just that way. When she was beneath him she never felt his weight, he rested on his arms on either side of her. Always with her in mind, everything he did, every move

"Remus?"' Tonks turned a little and slid up against him, shivering because the sheets were cold on bare skin

"Yes?"

"I love you, just wanted to say that before I fell asleep."

"Good night."

"Remus?"

"Yes?" he answered slightly humored by her repetition.

"Can we continue in the morning… where we left off?"

_[End flashback]_

That was the last time they had slept together, there was always watch duty (even though it seemed the order always made sure they were assigned together), Tonks getting stuck at the Auror office, or something else that occurred. _That was also the first time we had made love for weeks…_ _surprisingly. Which means that was the night she…If I didn't set that up that night then this never would have happened._ He suddenly recalled her almost crash landing that night and the brief discussion about dueling Bellatrix.

"Are you alright? You got hit tonight is—"

"I didn't get hit, I told you that. I'm fine. We're fine and Remus…your no better than Mad Eye, and…I'd die if something happened to you, especially now." she shivered and Lupin pulled the sheets around her.

"As would I, but, love, I-"

"I love you. I'm not upset, I'm not worried…well, anymore than all women are I guess." Remus didn't seem any more settled "What is it?"

"You're only…" it was the age difference again. When it was just them it was easier to forget but now with this…

"I'm twenty six; I'm old enough to have children."

"Not to have mine."

"Good. Because I'm having ours. Not yours." She smiled.

"So this means the……baby…is due in…early summer?"

"I don't know. It shouldn't matter but it could be earlier because you're—" _stupid Tonks Stupid, stupid Tonks…_ she swore to herself as she stopped talking

"A werewolf." Remus looked into to space and Tonks got off his lap.

"Remus, don't." she said

"I didn't say anything."

"I know what you're thinking, and you're wrong. I'm not scared, it doesn't even matter; you're wrong okay?"

"I'm not wrong! Nymphadora do you realize what could happen? What if it transforms in you? You'll bleed to death and the child will die! You can't just tell me to sit here and watch it kill you." she was crying again when she answered

"Lupin I know for a fact that that won't happen. I've been reading and—"

"Since when?

"Since…the second or so time we slept together." She blushed and continued "The baby can't change in me, and there's not even a half chance the baby will be like you."

"How would I live with myself if I knew that it's my fault a child has to go through life as miserable as I spent mine?" _his fault? That's what he's worried about? It will be my fault too, how am I supposed to live with _that? _it's no more his than mine if the baby turns out to be a werewolf. _

"No. it's no more yours than it would be mine. Please, I've had enough can you not do this to me?" Remus got out of bed and Tonks looked up with wet eyes. "Where are you going?"

"I have to think…I'll be downstairs."

"You aren't staying tonight? You've got to be kidding me, the absolute best thing in the world just happens and you're going to _leave?_"

"I'm just going downstairs."

"No you aren't. I'm young, not stupid."

"I'm going, goodnight."

"Don't come back! I hate you! just leave!"

A little after four in the morning

It wasn't the first night he spent on a couch, of course he used to by choice at Grimmauld place, fall asleep in the library but that was nice, and usually Tonks was with him too. Several battles, two years and twenty four transformations later, he found it painful. That and the knots of stress that ached in every muscle. And the leaden guilt that hung over him didn't help matters any. He didn't leave the house like he originally thought to, it was as if the door knob was white-hot and he couldn't touch it.

He went back up to their room, nad saw Tonks in a fitful sleep. At least she was asleep, he'd just face her wrath in the morning, goodness knows he deserved it. Oh merlin how the heck was he supposed to tell his in laws about this? tell their friends? She was beautiful and so happy until he came in and ruined her and now she's _carrying my spawn…and excited over it…_ He got into to bed and by habit reached out and pulled Tonks into his arms.

"Lupin." She turned to face him

"Am I allowed here?"

"No."

"Does that mean you forgive me?"

"No." she grinned

"Thank you."

"Remus…" she liked the excuse to say his name, "Our child's going to be a baby not a puppy, not a cub, not a monster. Even if she is a werewolf, she'll be just as human as you are. And you _are_ human, take it from your wife, you are most defiantly a human man."

"Dora…I'm sorry."

"You say that a lot."

"I mean it."'

"I know you do. you always mean it, but you don't need to. Think about what you're saying, you're saying that you're sorry we're going to have a beautiful baby girl."

"Girl? You've said that twice now. What makes you think _he_ won't be a boy?" he asked truthfully

"You are excited." Tonks said.


End file.
